I'm writing this on my daughter's birthday. On this day in 1988, I had been in labor at this point for about 12 hours. My circumstances were not the best. Her father had already walked away. My parents were ashamed and disappointed, most of their family had no idea I was even pregnant. They felt I had again, let them down.
My grandparents were dead but my mother wasted no time at all telling me she was glad they were already dead so they didn't have go through this time and see how my life was going. I look back and it still hurts, I've forgiven my parents for the hurt but I still remember how it hurt at the time. For a lot of years that hurt ruled my life. It kept me from allowing others to get close to me. I only let people somewhat close that I knew had 'things' that kept them from trying to 'reach' the deep and hidden places in my life.
That had a negative impact on my daughter. I loved her and I still do, more today than ever, but only at times was I able to be fully open to complete love. Oh, how I wish I could go back to those days and open my heart completely to her and to others. I know I have would have opened up for risks of being hurt again, that was why I kept those doors closed but I missed so much of my life hiding behind those closed walls. My daughter missed so much of my life.
Now I have a granddaughter. My prayer is that God will protect her and keep her. I also pray that He will give me, her parents and other grandparents the wisdom to show her unconditional love. For her to know that even if she disappoints she is loved. When she fails, she is still loved. When she makes us angry, that does not change our love. I've been the result of not knowing that, I've seen the results of not knowing that.
As parents and grandparents I pray that we can grasp how important that is to our child's development. When they are acting out or they are 'needy', it is so often just to get attention. Attention that their heart must have to develop into strong adults. And if they don't get that time and attention in every day life they will find ways to get it. And usually it is negative ways because even punishment and negative attention is better than no attention.
And each child is different. One child may only need 10-15 minutes a day to feel loved, appreciated, respected and know that you love them no matter what. Another child, 30-45 minutes barely tips that bucket that needs filling. My goal these days whether it is my adult child or my grandchild is to ask myself this 'if I did this, how would my heavenly Father respond'. that can really change your attitude and actions in just a few minutes. But this is new to me and I fail at it many times and I quickly realize I've not responded as He would. But it is a daily process.
Since my granddaughter lives with her mother and me, I'm looking for ways I can do my part in time that is just hers. The time that she feels she is the center of my universe. Not my cell phone, not the TV, not a book but her having my undivided attention. It doesn't sound hard does it, but in today's busy world it can be.
But aren't our children and grandchildren worth the effort? I never felt I was with my parents. Now, when it's too late to talk about it, I've realized they did the best they could. I did with my daughter as well. What we all needed to realize is the best we can is so finite, we need to do the best that God can enable us to do, for without Him we cannot succeed.
A note about that day in Jan. I went to sleep that evening and woke up to a completely white world, it had snowed during the night. Just like Jesus can make us white as snow the world that my new daughter would see first was white. A reminder for us that every day He can make things new.
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