In the past two weeks a number of people I know have been impacted by intentional suicide, some others impacted by 'accidental' overdoses of prescribed drugs. Some of these were friends, others were friends or family of friends. In the course of that time I've heard some comments that have set me off. I tried not to write about it, I really did.
But in some cases people were hurt by the comments and I think it needs to be addressed. I have a blog, I can. :-)
First, I hope no one reading this EVER feels the depression and oppression that drives you to even think of suicide. It is a dark, painful place that all you want is relief. There are many causes of depression, some is from the habits that are formed, like drugs or alcohol. In other cases, it is the inability to find good in anything, that critical spirit can lead to depression, the world is a horrible place, why would you want to be here? With still others it is caused by a chemical imbalance, so there are physical factors in addition to the mental factors. If you do find yourself there, PLEASE do not fail to get help. There is no shame in seeking help. Do not feel you are a bother, an inconvenience or a nuisance. You are a person that God loves and He wants to help you, at times He uses people to help.
Now on to the comments, 1) 'What a selfish act' - referring to the person who committed suicide. I don't have enough space to write how many ways that comment is cruel, judgmental and just plain mean! One of the very basics of us as humans is self preservation, to be in pain to the point that you overcome that need to survive, is pain that most people cannot imagine! In some cases, that person has someone in their life that has made them feel that they are of no value and that the world would be better off without them. In other cases, the depression and oppression they are living in is so thick and overwhelming that a coherent thought such as self preservation isn't possible. While it may feel selfish to those left behind, it isn't where that person is most of the time.
Now, let me clarify this, I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist, I have no degrees in mental health. But I have life experience and I have suffered depression and these thoughts suicide. I have talked with others that have as well. Yes, in a small percentage of suicides the person really is trying to punish someone for something. Usually, in what I've seen those tend to be murder-suicides, a father/mother killing his/her family or just his/her kids, then himself/herself. In those cases, maybe it is a selfish act of an evil, cruel person. But don't confuse those acts, with the act of a person that is in incredible pain, confusion, despair and grief that results in them losing their life.
2) 'I thought they were saved' - really? how self-righteous, how stupid - sorry I tried to find another word but this is the only one that I really thought fit. The Bible tells us that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. Eph. 6:12 -
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. We wrestle against rulers of the darkness of this world. That is demons, that is satan, that is a battle we are ill equipped to fight unless we arm ourselves with the armor of God. Often a person is saved, they ask Jesus to forgive them of their sins but they have no one to disciple them, no one to teach them how to stand in God's power. They have no spiritual friends to help them. Shame on us! We should be aware of those around us and pray that God will show us those we can help, mentor, teach. We are told that we that are older and wiser are to teach the younger. Sometimes that physical years, at other times the wiser and the older in Christ is the young in physical years, we need to be as willing to learn as we to teach. God wants us to be prepared.
3) 'I wish I would see them in heaven' - well the good news is this, if you have accepted Jesus as your Savior and they had accepted Him as their Savior, you will. God's love and grace are able to forgive and His mercy is eternal. Suicide is not a sentence to hell. It is not God's choice for you. It is not the direction He wants you to go but when He says in Heb. 13:5 that He will never leave you or forsake you, that includes the lowest moment in your life. If you are a parent and you love your child, do you turn your back on them when they are facing their most difficult times? No, you don't, neither does God!
4) 'I wish I had seen they needed help/I wish they had talked to me'.- now I'm not as comforting on this one because sometimes they do show us but we are too self absorbed to realize it. Sometimes they talk and we don't listen. Sometimes, they say the same things over and over and we discount it and believe it is no different from the other times. We may be wrong and that leaves us with sorrow. Then we need to understand that in spite of the loss, the grief and pain we feel, we must learn to forgive ourselves. It's not easy and it's not a one time thing. It is a process. It is something we need God's help with.
5) 'Why did God take them? Didn't He know I need them?' Yes, He did and does, yet God is not a puppet master who just pulls our strings. You hear this not just in suicide but in many types of death. The Bible says it is appointed unto man once to die. We are all going to die. Sometimes we make decisions that hasten our death, whether that be by suicide, unhealthy living, driving too fast, taking unnecessary chances. That's not God's fault. In our world of free choice He allows it but it isn't His plan. Sometimes it is others who make bad choices, they drive drunk or too fast, they are evil and they kill. With Adam sin entered into the world and death by sin. Sin is not God's choice for us, but when we sin, it has consequences that impact others, sometimes even unto death. I have no answers for why people die when they do, yet I have trust that God sees the whole picture and I can trust Him in all things.
Suicide intentionally or accidentally impacts many people. Death by sickness or accident or even old age impacts people. You know what else impacts people? LIFE!!!! Live your life so that you leave a positive impact on others. Be the person they can come to for help. Be the prayer warrior that will not let go when interceding for others. Be the voice that speaks out against wrong. Be the person to stand and proclaim 'He is mine and I am His!'. Let your life touch others.
And when death happens, be compassionate to those who have lost someone, cry with them, share their grief. Don't be the person who makes comments that hurt. Don't condemn the person they lost for any act, even if it is suicide, that they did. There is no purpose in that. It may make you feel self-righteous and better than them but it shows your own lack of compassion and love. Don't be that person. Help them remember the good things, share the memories, let others know the joy you found in knowing this person.
Love others as you love yourself, let's follow Jesus command.
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