In April of this year, I walked into a church to hear some folks sing. Can I be really honest with you? I wasn't looking for a new church. I'd allowed satan to get me very discouraged on the church front. I'd decided, the best I could do was endure. Now if you know me you know one thing, I don't 'endure' well. I'm a fixer and when I see things broken, including myself, I want to fix things. I want to 'make it better'. But I felt that endure was the best I could do.
I was in church a lot of Sundays, not faithful as I should have been but no set place, no place where I'd be held accountable or where I'd be missed if I went somewhere else. What I'm going to say next may sorry like a pity party but that's not my intent. I don't want to dwell on the negative but I do want to acknowledge that as Christians we get hurt, often by those that we look to for love and/or encouragement. It may not be rational, it may not be reasonable but the fact is uncaring or callous people can hurt us. It hurts no less if they are Christians or if they didn't intend to do it. The pain is real.
That pain has driven many a young or unseasoned Christian from church. It has given many a doubter the 'dirt' to down the church. Well we would tell them, they need to just look to God right? I mean it wasn't God that did it, it was another human. It wasn't God that forsook them, it was a man-made church. Ok, read those words over and no matter how many times you say it, the hurting person is still hurting. Instead of judging or condemning for allowing a 'person' to be bigger to them than God, how about we just step up and say the real reason we throw those sayings out to those that have been hurt is we don't want to take responsibility for the hurt we have caused.
Back to April, I walked into that church because my granddaughter loved to hear the Browders sing. We had only been there a few minutes when she saw on the Powerpoint that rising 2nd-6th graders were going to camp that summer and she said "I want to go to camp". I told her we didn't go there to church, she said "I don't care, I want to go to camp". So I told her 'maybe'. There was such a sweet spirit in the church that day. It was one of those 'wrap you up in it' feelings that you couldn't deny. The preacher got up and told about the bus trouble that the Browders were having and that because of that, they would be at the church that night too. Erin looked at me and said 'are we coming back?' I gave my standard 'maybe'.
Almost from the first song, the tears began to flow. Now I really enjoy the Browders singing but I knew the tears were the Holy Ghost ministering. I cried out to God as I sat in that seat. I asked Him to forgive me for allowing people to interfere with my relationship with Him. I was in awe of how He blessed me that morning. And yes, we went back that night, again the Lord really blessed during the service and my praise was flowing from my heart. I asked myself why I had never visited the church before, I'd known the pastor for years. And I realized the distance from the house was the reason why.
Erin's mind was made up, she wanted to go back. They had Pastor's Pals that sang before most services, she felt at home from the first moment we walked in. And to be honest so did I. Over the next few weeks a number of things happened, I was sick, then papa died. I didn't call Pastor Robbie, I'd only visited there a couple of times. I almost did. I look back and realize that if I had, he and Trinity would have been there to help, that's just who they are.
I realized one day soon after as I was listening to the radio, why I felt at home there. It wasn't just the old time preaching and singing, it wasn't just the friendly people, while those were awesome. But as I listened to the Bowlings sing 'That's What I Missed The Most', I realized that freedom of the Holy Ghost to move in hearts and to 'rearrange' services is what my heart had been missing.
Someone asked recently, 'why do you drive there?' and my answer is simple this is where God put me, this is where I get fed, it is where my toes get stepped on when I'm not in line with God and where I get encouragement when I am. It is where I found my desire to sing again and to write again. Well, there and some awesome retreats that I've gone to and heard people speak directly to what I've carried in my heart for years. But God has used both those speakers and my church to revive my heart. I know that today or tomorrow the devil will try to take me back to that place where I had no song. I will not say that I will never go there again but I will say with God's help I will not go there.
Sometimes tears are from sorrow but other times, tears are cleansing, they are refreshing. Yes, my first service at Trinity I cried a lot and I've cried at other services there as well. I've also rejoiced and praised and prayed and confessed. That is why it feels like home.
I've sat in services where I've learned things from the scriptures, I'm one of those 'simple' folks, I love a good object lesson. I love the message to be easy to understand, even though at times it is hard to apply. A recent conversation on Facebook regarding folks wanting a 'feel good religion or church'. I don't want or need that but I'm also thankful that God allows me to feel His presence. He sometimes wraps me in His love in a way that I can't fully describe.
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